Into the Unknown

Me at the Heineken brewery.

Amsterdam being all cute and Dutch

Rooftop view of Paris.

Florian,Fabio and my new friends in Paris!

View of Mount Blanc in Chamonix.

For the first time in a long time I find myself puzzled as to why I am choking back tears when I watch my Dad walk away from the closing doors of my train in Geneva. I have never felt like this when we have parted ways in the past. I get on the train and start to settle my baggage, trying look as nonchalant as possible, while tears stream down my face and a Taiwanese women looks at me with understanding eyes. A piece of home has been with me for a week and now I feel the weight of him leaving and the feeling of not knowing what lies ahead.

So I don’t like to brag, but I had a pretty amazing Christmas/New Years Break. For the first leg of my trip, I spent five days in Amsterdam with my dear friend Raquel. She is also an au pair and came here from Mexico. (Our friendship nickname is Tex-Mex. 'Cause I mean we had to, right?) Amsterdam at Christmastime is absolutely charming. To me, it felt like a city you could walk around (or bike around) in forever and never get bored. All the canals, tiny houses smushed together, and the cute Dutch people with their bikes, carrying flowers in their baskets. That is one thing I noticed right away is that EVERYBODY has a bike. It seemed like a more popular mode of transportation than a car. Another thing we noticed right away is just how odd the language is. I mean it's like nothing you have heard before. It sounds very close to German and extremely similar to Klingon. (Live long and prosper.) One of our best experiences was at the Heineken brewery! I LOVE going to breweries. I have only been to one other (Guinness factory in Dublin Ireland), so I don’t have much to compare it to, but I was really impressed by the whole tour. And the coolest part was this cute guy that worked at the bar who decided we needed 8 free beers each instead of 3. Needless to say, the walk back to the hostel was a little bit of a blur. The other touristy thing we did was go to the Van Gogh museum. Totally worth it and totally amazing. (And I got to walk around with my big Canon camera and an audio headset. Super nerd tourist status. Love it.) Seeing an original Van Gogh painting in real life is just beyond description. A few of them I could have stood in front of forever. The rest of our trip was pretty much filled with partying and meeting friendly people from all around the globe! That's another thing I absolutely love about this whole experience is the amazing people you meet. You know they would let you crash on their couch and feed you in a heartbeat, and if they showed up in Texas one day you would do the same for them. I absolutely love this mentality. It renews my faith in the human spirit.

For the second leg of my trip, I met up with my pops and his girlfriend in Paris. I have never in my life been so ecstatic to see my father. During the whole experience of living abroad you make new friends who know you but it hasn't been for very long, and they don’t even know the you that lives in the United States, so it's really just a breath of fresh air to be able to spend time with the person who knows you best. Paris was mostly filled with shopping, and I got to meet up with my friends Florian and Fabio for a night out and for New Years eve. I made some new girlfriends and once again found myself in awe of Paris. I also had one of the most “wow I’m really in France” moments when I took an epic journey by myself on the metro at 12:30 am on New Year's Eve. Needless to say, lots of drunks and lots of shouting “Bonne Anee!” which means “Happy New Year” in French. The next day we headed to Geneva and took a shuttle from there to a famous ski spot called Chamonix. There are very few moments in my life where I can say that my breath was taken away, but this was definitely one of them. The whole place is covered in snow and surrounded by the gorgeous alps. There is one point where a mountain touches Italy, Switzerland, and France! The little town was beyond adorable and was just what you would think a European ski town should look like. (This is coming from someone that has never skied in her life.) My Dad's girlfriend had also never skied before, so we had to take some lessons. Overall I like skiing, but I don’t think it's going to be my new favorite sport or anything. You have to think and do so many things at the same time, and the ski instructor talked to me in French, so it was quite a challenge. 

The New Year almost marks my halfway point of this French adventure, which also means I need to start thinking about my future and what my life will look like when I return to the U.S. So I'm finally being confronted with the problematic question that all 20-something postgraduates have to face: “What do I do now?” For those of you who don’t know me, I went to school in Arkansas for five years, left last summer, came back to Dallas for 10 days, and moved to France. So when I go back I am going back to a completely new life and most likely a new place. Thinking about this can be really scary. But I have to remember to take it one step at a time and not let my worries about my future ruin my experience here. After all, this is life and we only get one so we have to soak up every opportunity we have while we can.

"It is always wise to look ahead, but difficult to look further than you can see.”

Winston Churchill

The Art of Au Pairing

Line up! Yep everyone is here.

Somewhere deep down he loves me.

Little Picasso over here.

The art of au pairing isn’t hard to master...(Sorry I couldn’t resist. That's for all you poetry lovers out there.) I decided it would be appropriate to dedicate a post to my biggest priority here in France: taking care of children. I have to admit that I really had NO idea what I was getting myself into when I signed up to be an au pair. I have babysat a handful of times, but that was a long time ago, and this is completely different. When you're a part-time babysitter, you watch kids for 2 to 4 hours tops, and then you’re on your way. But with this gig, you are living with the family. You’re there for every tantrum, screaming fest, adorable moment, fight between the parents, and even the news that your host mom is pregnant. Before I start I have to say that deep down I absolutely adore both of the little boys I take care of, and I would do anything for them. That being said, they can be pretty terrible sometimes. I think the biggest challenge at first was the language barrier. For example, I remember one of my first weeks, the youngest boy (he’s three) had just woken up from a nap and wouldn’t stop crying and screaming. I am talking face red, screaming at the top of his lungs, kicking the wall by his bed so hard that his bed moved a foot type of crying. Every time I came up to him to try to calm him down, he started hitting me. He started screaming a phrase in French that I couldn’t understand and just kept repeating it. 15 minutes later, we make it downstairs, I wrestle (literally wrestle) with him to get his clothes on, and we are standing outside and invested in a screaming match where I'm trying desperately to convince him to come with me to pick up his older brother (who gets out of school in 5 minutes). At this moment, through his screaming, I can see the sheer frustration in his little tear-filled face and that he is so badly wanting to be understood as I am also on the verge of tears myself and wondering why I just completed five years of college to be fighting with a three year old. All of the sudden, I recognize the word “verre” which means glass. I stop everything to turn to him and say (in French), “You want a glass of water?” He immediately stops crying and sheepishly nods his head wiping the tears off his little, red cheeks. My life is now filled with ironically frustrating moments similar to this.

Things have vastly improved since my first weeks, including my French. The one thing I repeatedly have to make myself do when I get really frustrated with the boys is to take a deep breath, step back, and remember that I am talking with a child. It really is hard when you are not used to being with children, because they look at life in a completely different way than adults do. Things that really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things can be a matter of life and death in their eyes. Another thing I had to get used to was not taking what they say personally. One minute they say they hate you and you are the worst person in the world and literally 5 minutes later, they are in love with you. I think the most important lesson that I've learned (which has made me deeply appreciate my parents) is the fact that children really have no concept of how much you do for them. When I am with the boys and responsible for their lives, I think about myself the very last. Every little thing you do is for them. Whether it be washing their piece of kiwi because you accidentally got a SPECK of chocolate powder on it (in the midst of breakfast table madness), making sure not to wash one of their hands during bath time so their star stamp doesn’t come off, or walking all the way downstairs again to get the correct stuffed animal after struggling for thirty minutes just to get them into bed. After all these things, there is never a thank you. Kids simply don’t understand all that you do for them. I think this has been really important for me to go through, because it's made me realize and appreciate the different things that different people have done for me throughout my life.

When it is all said and done, there really is no art in raising or taking care of a child. I think the only thing you really can do is give them unconditional love and make them feel safe. Even though I have only been here for four and a half months, I already love these two boys as if they were my little brothers. I can’t imagine what it will be like after one year.

À bientôt!

(At the request of my host family I decided not to include any pictures of the boys.)

Frenchgiving

The gang's ALL here.

Cutting the turkey. (My host Mom in black.)

Our spread. (French style.)

Me and Pascal. (She's one of the Moms and a total doll.)

I am standing in the kitchen struggling to mix together sugar and butter (that I forgot to soften) with a spatula, as my host Mom is scientifically measuring out the perfect amount of ingredients for her macarons. I look up in time to see her throw her head back in laughter and say, “Megan if you wash your hands, you can use your hands.” After feeling stupid for a moment I look down at the bowl and dig my hands into the mixture.

This past weekend, I made Thanksgiving dinner for my family and some of their friends (26 friends to be exact). I did a lot of prep work and prepared some easier recipes ahead of time, like good ole green been casserole, hoping it wouldn’t be too fattening and simple for my French guests. One thing I really love about France is their cuisine. It did take me some time to get adjusted to it, but now I really enjoy it. (Let me remind you that this is my experience with my family, and other people in France may be different.) In general, French people like everything to be fresh and made from scratch. They also enjoy the natural flavors of food (instead of drowning them in sauce) which really shows in their meals. One day I saw my host Mom make a chicken with potatoes and all she put on it was olive oil and salt and pepper, and it was amazing! I think this is definitely a cleanse for my taste palette that I am hoping will have a lasting impression. They do have grocery stores like we do, but they also have separate stores: one just for cheese (omg the cheese; I could do an entire post just about the cheese), one just for meat, one just for fruits and vegetables, and one for bread of course. Also, the French people rarely eat out so they go to these markets very often. The things I like about this system are for for one, that you’re eating healthier, you’re save money, you’re supporting local business, and you are able to have a personal relationship with the people that work there. (Also you can literally say “I have a cheese guy.” or “No man, MY cheese guy has the best cheese.”) It pays off to have these kind of relationships. For example, my host Mom called her butcher to ask for a turkey (getting a turkey at the end of November here is unheard of apparently because the Turkeys aren’t ready to kill yet),  and instead of telling her he didn’t have one he called to a bunch of different places and found her one. I love everything about that. 

Often times throughout this experience I feel like I care too much about what my host family and other people think of me. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am in a completely different country and culture, which is obviously going to make me stand out among other people living in a small French town. But recently I feel like (although easier said than done) I need to dig into this experience and not be afraid to get “my hands dirty” and quit holding back so much. I leave you with a JFK quote as it was recently the 50th anniversary of his assassination.

“Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.”

John F. Kennedy

À Bientôt!

La Vie en Rose

Weekend trip to Paris

Valence (Where I really hang out.)

Bourg de Péage and Monster #1 (Where I live.)

My French cat friend. (Obviously.)

Well it’s been almost one year to the day since my last post. Sorry for this, but I got caught up in a whirlwind of wonderful literature in order to finish my degree. Somewhere in between Jane Austen and drunkenly gazing at a meteor shower under the Arkansas sky, I decided to move to France. Right now I find myself working as an au pair in a small town in southern France, slowly improving my French and trying to enjoy each moment before I have to start thinking about what I want to do next. After being here for two months I would love to say that the transition has been easy and perfect, but that is not the case. I take care of two boys ages 3 and 7 who don’t speak any English (also whom I respectfully call my little French monsters). Contrary to popular belief, French children are not better behaved than American children. Kids are kids; they are the same everywhere. Although the first couple of weeks were pretty tough, I am getting along much better with the children, my French has improved immensely, and I have made friends with other au pairs and some native inhabitants of France.

I think the most interesting thing about visiting or moving to a different country is the array of little cultural differences that sometimes take you by surprise. Although France is very much a westernized country, it does have its own way of doing things, and I find that I quite enjoy their way of life. The very first thing that I had to master was the “double kiss on the cheek” greeting. (Yes, that is a real things here. Handshakes are met with a confused stare and 5 seconds of awkward silence.) Also, depending on where you are located in France, there are a different number of kisses. In my region there are three, most places there are two, and in Bretagne and some others, it can be four! At first I wasn’t sure if you just greet your good friends like this, but I quickly learned that you must greet everyone in this way. There is also the problem of wearing glasses and having them hit the other person's face, or worse when both people have glasses...by the end, you're just glad your glasses are still intact. On behalf of the French people, I have to say the rumor about them being rude is completely false. Everyone has been extremely nice to me - even the rudest of the rude, Parisians. From my experience, I think they get this bad rap because they are so straight-forward. I personally tend to get my feelings hurt when people are direct with me, but I am learning to get past it. French people say what they feel, even if it may come off a bit harsh, and then it's done and they move on. They will never 'beat around the bush' like we people of the states do. It’s definitely a challenge, but I also find it very refreshing.

Since my visit to Paris, I have had a famous French song stuck in my head called “La Vie en Rose” which literally translates to “the life in pink.” It is a very romantic song, and although I am not in love, yet (cross your fingers for a handsome 30-something French business man with a vacation house in Italy), I feel that I am seeing my life through a pink lens here. For the first time in a long time, I am enjoying each beautiful moment and not worrying about what is coming next. I hope this post finds you all in a good state of mind.

“Quand il me prend dans ses bras il me parle tout bas je vois le vie en rose.”

Edith Pilaf

À bientôt!

Flashing Lights

So this post is definitely more for the interesting lighting in these pictures than it is for my outfit. It is quite cold in Arkansas this Tuesday morning. I spent most of it in my robe drinking coffee and finishing a short story for my evening class. I try to be open minded about both poetry and short fiction, but I often feel that my heart is in poetry. But it is nice knowing that I never have to settle on just one. This thought has been clouding my mind alot lately as I am getting my resume ready and starting to look at internships. Idealy I want to get an internship in the UK (preferably England), but we will see where life takes me. I feel that the best part of being young is that at this point in life my future is the most flexible which excites me because I know that anything could happen.

Me and my friend Laura, took these picture on top of Mt. Sequoya in Fayetteville about a month ago. This is a mountain in Fayetteville where among many houses there is also a lookout that you can see all of Fayetteville from. On this particular evening we were racing against the sun to get some decently lit pictures. These are the results and we were very pleased with them. I know some of these are harder to see my face in but I chose them because of the colors in them and the way the light hits my hair and my face.

Due to all the craziness going on in the east coast with hurricane Sandy, I thought of a poem that I critiqed for a paper a few months ago. I am sad to say that the author of this poem, Rachel Wetzsteon, committed suicide when she was 42. This poem is packed with some beautiful metaphors and nicely portrays the speakers feeling towards some horrific event taking place in her life. I have been seeing alot of posts on twitter and instagram about ambulances that were lined up outside of hospitals without power in NYC, which is what made me think of this poem. To all those ambulances, volunteers, and people stuck in their houses, my thoughts are with you.

Apologies to an Ambulance

The red light was my racing heart,

the siren my pain made public,

and the body inside, a study in scarlet,

was battered yet somehow grotesquely pretty.

I drew a rosy curtain over the city.

But the naked city went on bleeding, and so

to the ambulance that roars down my street

apologies, and the wretch in the back

apologies too: you come from a place

where pulp's not fiction, you know a world

where bullets are more than metaphors

for lovely eyes, and though I roped you

into my story I'll let you go now, wish you

safe passage through a lifetime of green lights.

-Rachel Wetzsteon

Cheers

For the love of Jeffrey Campbell

Hello readers! Sorry It has taken me so long to put up a second post. My laptop wasn't working for awhile, but it is up and running again. We just had our fall break this past weekend and I spent it in my favorite city, Austin Texas. I was blessed with the oppurtunity to attend ACL and listen to some amazing live music. Some of  my favorite shows were, The Roots, Jack White (swoon), Florence and The Machine, Die Antwoord, The Avett Brothers, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers (Just to name a few). It was great to be back in Texas and visit with my friends and see people that I graduated with. It's always interesting to see what people have been up to since high school. The most note worthy event was that I got to stop in Dallas and say hello to Sgt. Pepper! (My kitty cat)

This outfit is definitely more on the dressy side for me. This dress is a perfect example of a piece that you can dress up and down and pair with a variety of accessories. I am a huge Jeffrey Campbell fan, which is why I decided to ask for these platforms for my birthday. The mustard yellow goes with just about anything in my closet, the style is simple, and most importantly they are actually comfortable! (If you don't stand for too long!) This necklace is very special to me because my aunt passed it on to me. My grandfather bought it for her in Bolivia during the '60s. It is a great statement piece and always gets compliments when I wear it out.

When we are stressed and consumed in everyday difficulties it is often easy to forget how precious each day of life is. A few weeks ago I came across a Robert Frost poem that reminded me of this importance, and made me stop for a moment and appreciate all the beautiful things in my life that I often take for granted. I would love to post the entire poem but it is quite long, so I decided to share my favorite part with y'all. I hope this post finds you all in good health.

"I'd like to get away from earth awhile

And then come back to it and begin over.

May no fate willfully misunderstand me

And half grant what I wish and snatch me away

Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:

I don't know where it's likely to go better."

Robert Frost

Outfit

Dress: Suede Apparel (Savoir Faire, Fayetteville AR)

Necklace: Vintage hand-me-down (Bolivia)

Purse: Birthday gift from my sister (Impeccable Pig, Dallas TX)

Shoes: Jeffrey Campbell (nastygal.com)

Cheers

A day in the life

Hello all! I have been wanting to start a blog for quite some time so here it goes. I am currently at the University of Arkansas studying creative writing and getting anxious to join the real world and start working. It can be bittersweet cause who wants to leave college?

My style varies from day to day, but the most important thing to me is to be comfortable and look like It took time for me to get ready, even though I threw something together at the last second. This outfit is the perfect example. I thought up this outfit in the shower five minutes before I got ready. It was appropriate for the whole day, class, blog shoot, and dinner with my lovely friend Laura. (Laura is responsible for these amazing pictures and for being awesome all the time.)

Although I absolutely adore Fayetteville (the town I live in) I am a big city chick deep down and it's sometimes hard to stay positive and keep the future in mind. Bob Marley always seems to state the solutions to happiness in the simplest terms, which is one thing I love about him. I leave you today with a quote that is framed in my room and I try to live my life by every day.

"You just can't live in that negative way make way for the positive day."

Bob Marley

Outfit

Shirt: Forever 21

Skirt: Pins and Needles (Urban Outfitters)

Shoes: Vintage store in Philadelphia

Head band: Grey Dog Boutique

Bolo tie: Estate sale in Dallas

Bracelets: Collection from over the years (Austin/Boston/Barcelona)